SO what of the ‘failed hypnobirth?’

SO what of the ‘failed hypnobirth ?’

A while back when I first launched Doula Paris (sorry – I mean the GLOBAL PREGNANCY PHENOMENON that is now known as Doula Paris) a new mum posted a comment saying she’d had a ‘failed hypnobirth.'

I remember thinking at the time : ‘What IS a ‘failed hypnobirth?’ ‘Am I missing something?’ But mostly, what a shame that this woman thinks she has had a failed- anything- birth  (equally worrying is the language of a ‘failed homebirth’, ‘failed vaginal birth’, ‘failed VBAC’…and don’t even get me started on the term « failure to progress» in labour….).

From where I was standing hypnobirthing to me was simply a ‘tool,’ and a set of exercises that could help parents-to-be to prepare mentally for their babies birth. It didn’t really seem like you could fail at it.

I recalled that during my hypno teacher training, the hypnobirthing DON herself – big up Katherine Graves -, said something like « hypnobirthing makes a difference to all births, but it will benefit different couples in different ways. »

This approach made sense, as it resonated with the Brownie Guide Law of Midwifery school : « every woman is different, every pregnancy is different - and unique. »

The idea that there could be any concrete end in itself to any ilk of birth preparation (hypnobirthing or otherwise) seemed sort of unfathomable and unrealistic.  Only when you start introducing this idea of a fixed goal to ‘achieve’ do you introduce the possibility of failure.  And when we fail we suffer.

Thus, if ‘natural birth’ is the goal then anything that deviates from the natural birth benchmark could be perceived as failure.  And we all know that it just doesn't work like that with birth.  Labour and birth – by it’s very nature -  is much more fluid, ultimately unknowable, uncontronable, and unplannable… 

It seemed to me that if it was taught well, and with an open mind, every woman and couple would integrate the hypnobirthing techniques in their own way, and in a manner that had meaning for them.  In this sense, hypnobirthing has the potential to morph into a positive and empowering tool for all couples.

Fast forward a year of two and the more experience I have of teaching hypnobirthing, the more this rings true, and most importantly it is confirmed to me in the feedback I receive from parents.

Over in the Doula Paris towers (aka my living room), there’s been TONNES of positive feedback pinging into the Doula Paris inbox from parents who ‘didn’t get the natural birth they might have hoped for….but still found the hypnobirthing techniques mega useful for feeling confident and well prepared, and staying calm during labour and birth.’  And here’s the Bonus ball: many parenting newbies are also reporting back that they are using their hypnobirthing Ammo to navigate the challenges of new parenthood (and surely that is the ultimate wrestle right there?).

At the time of the failed hypnobirthing woman comment, however, I perhaps didn’t have the benefit of all this experience, SO I’m really grateful to this Mamma for her timely comment : her language and reaction to her birth experience really helped me to question and reflect on the way in which I presented & taught hypnobirthing to parents myself.

As always, I continue to learn the most from the women themselves.

Ultimately I decided I wanted to teach and present hypnobirthing in a way that NO WOMAN felt like they had failed.

Of course we all want a natural & pain free birth! Duh!!! And hypnobirthing definitely CAN increase the possibility of that happening – I have shed loads of emails from women who I’ve worked with who have experienced exactly THAT.  HOWEVER, I feel it’s equally important that we keep it real, and broaden our perspectives to include the mutiplicity of unique and personal journeys that each women travel, so that eveyone feels like a winner.

The failed Hypnobirth -  does it exist??

Looking back – in my quiet little reflections - the issue seems to me that Hypnobirthing has become too closely allied with the persuit of a ‘natural’ birth.  Hypnobirthing teachers - or anyone- promising a pain free, normal birth Ipso facto introduce the concept of failure.

And I fear that if we’re not careful, Hypnobirthing could merely become another way in which we pull the wool over women’s eyes about the reality of birth.

My ultimate goal, in the work I do, is not to try to produce some kind of normal birth Shangri-la, but to reduce the suffering that has become synonomous with birth – and being a woman ; this Garden of Eden-style suffering (albeit a more modern form!) that appears to still exist due to the nature of simply being born with ovaries.

Whilst we used to speak of women suffering merely from the raw physical ‘pain’ of birth, it now seems that we have created a whole new wave of mental suffering that comes with this failure to achieve a given type of ‘natural’ birth.

As always we need to be ever-conscious and reflective about the way we speak to women about birth. If in doing so, we risk to trick or conceil to them the fundamentally uncontrolable and unknowable nature of birth itself, then we continue to do woman a disservice.

Not least, because there is a glory and a mystery in the reality of this other-worldy aspect of birth.

We so often speak of the way in which ‘the overmedicalised system’ itself tricks women during birth but I would invite you all to interogate the way in which we could each may be adding to this illusion.

If we start waving around promises of ‘natural,’ pain-free births and presenting them as the birth Utopia, we risk to paint some kind of mono-image or norm of what a positive birth experience looks like. And the truth is that a positive birth has many different manifestations and faces.  Positive birth is more than just a birth outcome, it is a process, a continuum, a mindset, and a unique mix of each individual woman feeling supported, ‘heard’ and confident in a way that is meaningful to her, and her wider circumstances.

My suggestion is thus that we go back to day one lesson one of midwifery and hypno school and remember these all important basics « hypnobirthing makes a difference to all births, but in will benefit different couples in different ways. » and « every woman is different, every pregnancy is different  - and unique. »

That’s personally what I always open with.  And I am as yet to receive an emailing from anyone I have taugh hypnobirthing to saying they had a « failed hypnobirth. » 

Keep it real people : )

These precious first moments : positive birth & the first hour

Last night we had our second Positive Birth Movement Paris meeting! 

The theme for the May group meeting was : « The first hour after birth » 

One woman shared with us her beautiful memory of her first baby’s breast crawl immmediately following birth : how amazed she was that – when left undisturbed - her baby knew exactly what to do and latched on straight away.  The whole group shared in the awe of how miraculous it is to see a Baby’s first instincts at play.

Another member of the group described how important it had been for her to avoid any routine separation from her baby in the first hours following the birth « I just wanted my baby to be with me : I needed to see where she was all the time.» This is something she had anticipated  before the birth of her baby and so she ensured that she would be supported with this at her maternity hospital « Les Bluets» where any routine examinations were delayed until after she had bonded with her baby.

These heart-felt accounts re-enforced just how precious the first hour following birth is to women & their babies, and therefore how important it is for health care professionals to disturb women and their babies as little as possible during the first hour – and indeed hours –after birth.

In my own training as a Midwife I was taught - and indeed tested!  - on the importance of delaying any routine examinations and separation until after mum and baby have had the chance to have skin-to-skin and to bond.

However, so often in the busy hubbub of hospital life there is an imperative to quickly weigh and measure the baby, and get the new mum down to the postnatal ward within a couple of hours of birth, to free up the labour room for someone else.

Sometimes it feels there is no space, there is no time for these precious moment to be fully given the importance and respect they are due.

It’s something that I think we can all reflect upon, both as mother’s and as health care professionals.  Whilst there are clearly times in hospitals when labour wards are very busy and there is a genuine need to move women down to the postnatal ward-  freeing up a labour ward bed for another women who is waiting for it – there are not always these time imperatives.

It’s thus important to question routine ‘systems’ that have been blindly respected because « that’s the way we do it » and find creative solution to respect & protect the sacred first moments in a baby's and a new mother’s life.

In short – putting women and babies at the centre of care and not the needs or assumed needs of the hospital ‘system,’ and thinking of new ways of re-structure our ‘routines.’

More generally, it’s about listening to what women are telling us is important for them and important for their babies, and adapting our care as much as possible to accommodate this: Building systems of care around women and babies – and not woman & babies around systems.

Undoubtedly this would all be simpler to facilitate with more hospital resources and more midwives – but that’s another story for another day.

Back to the positive birth meeting… In our conversations around the « power hour » we also explored delayed cord clamping, what are the benefits and how does it work in practice - including thinking about how this could be best negotiated for twin births.

Most of the group were amazed to realise that it is simply a question of delaying clamping & cutting the cord for just a few minutes – and it has such massive benefits to baby!  But again this comes back to potentially unexamined hospital routines, and therefore it’s important to speak to care providers in advance, to discuss your preference around this.

For more info on delayed cord clamping take a look at Amanda Burleigh’s page « Optimal cord clamping » www.facebook.com/Optimal-Cord-Clamping-WaitforWhite-414578291919270/?fref=ts

There are numerous other FB forums on this important topic such as this one: www.facebook.com/delayedcordclamping 

Beyond the 'power hour' discussions our conversations last night moved onto all kinds of other birth-related subjects and sharing lots of great local events that are taking place for the "Semaine mondiale de l'accouchement respecté" in Paris next week.

The great thing about the positive birth meetings are that the flow of discussion is open and spontaneous, so conversation is free to go in any direction it takes us...I feel like this lack of rigid structure allows what is important to the group – at that moment - to come out, and what the group really needs at that time to emerge…

For me, personally, I had just arrived back in Paris the night before the meeting, after a lovely long week spent at home back in the North of England.  Transitioning back into city life after a whole week or glorious nourishing countryside air, and being at ‘home’ with family and friend, is always a bit of a physical and emotional leap.  So for me, last night, I simply enjoyed being in an open and supportive women’s space – enjoying the laughter and the passion - of women working together towards something important for women.

Heart to Womb breathing video

Mindful breathing technique for birth preparation. Helps focus the mind, connect with baby and set positive intention.

Mindful breathing for life - and birth!

Over the coming weeks I am going to be sharing a series of short videos demonstrating some mindful breathing exercises,  which you may like to use as part of your birth preparation.

These simple techniques can equally be used in any aspect of life ! Not just pregnancy ! They will help to calm and focus the mind, releaving anxieties and stresses.

Our minds are often busy and can easily run away with us into a state of constantly thinking, planning, anticipating, judging, and equally lead us into a spiral of worry or anxiety.

As we tune into the sensations of the breath, we can allow the mind to rest, as well as gradually learning how to re-directing our actions and reactions.  Taking control and re-orientating our experience and feelings, as apposed to letting the mind run into overdrive and off in it’s own (sometimes harmful) direction !

Connecting with the sensation of the body and the breath helps to draw us into the present moment, and over time develop gratitude and appreciation for the subtle yet powerful sensations of simply ‘being.’

Coming back to the breath can feel like coming home, back to our true nature or essence : the simple fact that our heart continues to beat, and our chest continues to rise and fall - we continue to feel very much alive -  can be both humling and nourishing.

Breathing for birth

Such an understanding of harnessing the breath can be be a particularly powerful tool in birth, as well as in life at large.   Long deep breaths in labour will help to calm the nervous system and aid the release of lots of lovely oxytocin – which assists the natural and swift progress of birth.

At the same slow gentle breaths can help to calm the mind , thus helping us to avoid drifting into a fear response  - which ultimately provokes adrenaline, slows the birth process, and can make it less managable or comfortable.

By practicing these connections through mindful breathing exercises in pregnancy, and integrating them into your way of living, they will come more naturally and freely to you in labour.  

I often use these techniques during my pregnancy yoga classes as a way to start bulding connections with the body and breath, in preparation for birth.  I also use them as a starting point to my hypnobirthing classes if a mum or dad-to-be struggles with staying alert or focusing the mind, ready for guided visulaisations and deep relaxations.

PLEASE READ MY BLOG HERE FOR GREATER DETAIL ON THE USEFULNESS OF MINDFUL BREATHING TECHNIQUES IN PREGNANCY AND BIRTH

With these video’s I hope to provide you with different techniques to try out and experience the different ways in which you can connect with the breath and the body ! They are by no means prescriptive so the idea is to use them as a starting point for your own personal journey and exploration.  Gradually you might  add your own visulations / affirmations or adaptations to them which is wonderful !  Once we make these connections we often find that our intuition guides us to focussing on a certain aspect that we particularly need to build on or strengthen, especially where labour and birth are concerned !

I hope you enjoy them ! I would love to hear back from you if there is anything you find particularly powerful or useful so please do get in touch !

Happy breathing !!!

A good memory of birth? Women remember...

You will always remember your birth

What Penny Simpkin says about birth memories and compassionate care in this youtube clip is so very poignant.

One of the strong messages I receive from birth stories that are sent to me - and other comments I receive from women about their births -  is that they remember in great detail every dimension of their birth, down to the minutest detail; years later, decades later...

I vividly remember when I was first contemplating training as a Midwife, and I spoke to many women who re-inforced this: "Women always remember their birth." They remember every smell, every sound, they remember the EXACT words spoken to them...

Speak to women in their 50's, 60's, even 70's, about their births, and they can still tell you exactly what they were doing when they went into labour, what they were wearing, what they had for supper, what was happening in the world at the time…but most of all they will remember the way they were treated by their caregivers; be it positive or negative.

They remember the kind words, the reassuring touch - of a Doula, midwife, doctor, or family member - and they equally remember the unkind words or treatment....

That care means so much to women, and I think it is illustrated so beautifully in this extract from Amanda's birth story here:   

"When it felt as though I had been pushing forever, the student midwife was kind and calm, and every time I pushed she would encourage me - I felt like I tried hard for her because of the encouragement.   The other midwife was like the Trunchbull in Matilda and kept telling me that I had to push for longer because it wasn’t doing anything – this made me want to give up."

These are the stories that women carry with them forever, they carry them out of the birth room and they penetrate so many aspects of their lives...

They are the stories we tell to our friends. our families, our children and our grandchildren.  

They are life long memories, let's make them good ones.

Respect, Honour, dignity, compassion…they matter to women not only on that incredibly profound day of their birth; the day they become mothers…but they matter because those words and those actions reverberate and resonate for the rest of their lives.

Nurturing positive birth memories; nurturing strong mothers.

Penny Simpkin's clip (below) illustrates beautifully why preparing for a positive birth, and having excellent emotional care during labour and birth is so important to women.

Penny is an American childbirth educator, and was a major proponent, and developer, of the role of the 'Doula' in providing emotional support, and compassionate care for women during pregnancy and birth.

One of the wise women of modern childbirth, Penny has an INCREDIBLE wealth of knowledge around pregnancy and birth, which she has developed through decades of working closely with pregnant women and new mums across the US (it is estimated that she has worked with over 13,000 parents!)

Luckily for us she has now created a wonderful series of short video clips on youtube where we are able to absorb some of this wisdom - sent direct from her living room in Seattle! 

These clips are a great resource for parents, childbirth educators, doulas, midwives...and anyone else supporting women holistically during birth.

Birth Art: visual representations of womanhood and birth

http://callthemidwife.tumblr.com

I recently came across a wonderful tumbler blog through my twitter friend @edinbirth.

The 'Call the Midwife' Tumblog has an incredible range of images on pregnancy, birth and womanhood which I'm sure many of you will enjoy!

My 2 personal favourites are the images of a baby swimming (below) and the anatomical pants (above)!  My mum has always loved to swim and took me swimming from being a very tiny tot; I have been a 100% water baby ever since!   And the anatomical pants are just, well, hysterical...

http://callthemidwife.tumblr.com

I'm really happy to be able to share  images like this as I believe they are really important in shaping our understanding of birth: modern, historical, and cross cultural.

This weekend I am attending the Birthlight annual conference which explores Maternal images and maternal representations before, during and after birth, which I am very excited about!  Birthlight is an incredible organisation run by Cambridge-based anthropologist Francoise Freedman: you can read more about Birthlight here

Why do visual representations matter?

The way we view, and represent birth, and the female body has a powerful affect on our understanding of pregnancy and womanhood.  Seeing is believing: what we see informs our brain, most notably our unconscious mind, and we subconsciously decode this 'visual information,' which goes on to contribute to our understanding of the world...

Before I became a Midwife/Doula/Antenatal teacher I did an arts degree at Durham University and I loved reading books such as John Berger's "Ways of Seeing" which explore the way in which visual images penetrate our understanding, and have a lasting impact on our interpretation of certain spheres.

"Birthing from within" is one of my all-time favourite birth preparation books, which explores some wonderful ways in which art techniques can be used in birth preparation, as visual images are used to inform our understanding about the processes of birth.  This book includes many beautiful illustrations, and was initially lent to me by my inspirational friend and super-hero Midwife (aka Neighbourhood Midwife) Annie Francis, just before I became a Midwife.  It has had a profound, and lasting, effect on my understanding of pregnancy, and alternative birth preparation methods and techniques.

Sheila Kitzinger's classic book "Rediscovering birth" is another favourite, which showcases many wonderful cross-cultural representations of women during childbirth, as well as a range of traditional birth art, sculptures, and other images from around the world.  **Recommend!**

You can also see the REAL DEAL of some amazing sculptures and statuettes relating to womanhood and fertility IN REAL LIFE at the British Museum. These include ancient figurines (below left), which date back to several centuries BC! The Wellcome collection, on Euston Road, equally displays some incredible anatomical drawings and sculptures relating to pregnancy and childbirth (below right).

Visit the Wellcome collection image gallery on birth here

If you have any interesting birth art of your own or you have seen interesting related blogs elsewhere please do get in touch! I would love to showcase more here! Thanks : )

Are we forcing fathers into the birthing room?

Do men bring drama to the birth room?

The ubiquitous Michel Odent famously, in his characteristically provocative fashion, once said that father’s should not be allowed into the birthing room.

The radical, french obstetrician, well known for his discourse on the medicalisation, ‘modernisation,’  and masculinisation of childbirth, is no stranger to causing a stir in the boho-maman-bébé circles.  However, unlike some of his other revolutionary ideas, this particular little nugget of wisdom didn’t quite seem to catch on.

Perhaps this was due to the fact that the childbirth Guru is, himself, a man and there was a subtle sense of irony in this implication that he was the only male fit to be present in the birth environment [At times we would be forgiven for thinking that Odent is actually a women, or some kind of born-again misandrist that woke up one day and found himself with a penis]. 

None-the-less, I am in fact a big fan of many of Odent's ideas, and his argument about men bringing unnecessary noise, drama, anxiety and adrenaline to the birthing room was rooted in, and cohesive with, his ideas about stress hormones, and the overstimulation of the ‘thinking’ brain, fundamentally inhibiting and disturbing the birth process.

We only have to look at the clip of Robbie Williams serenading his unimpressed wife, as she attempts to give birth to their baby, or watch a clip of One Born Every Minute, to see that the male presence in the birth room is not always helpful.

And whilst it doesn't necessarily follow that all men bring drama to the birth room, I can’t help but think that there is at least some element of truth, in Odent’s claims here.

The blurring of gender roles

Part of living in this, our post-modern times is the perpetual definition and re-definition of our gender roles. The current ‘trans’ debate, for instance is blurring the boundaries of what we see and think of as distinctively ‘male’ and ‘female’ roles.

Thus, this new-found fluidity, between what we once saw as typically male or female characteristics or tendencies; the mothering female: empathiser, carer, nurturer, Versus the He-man hunter gatherer figure: scientific, rational, material provider, perhaps goes part of the way to explain the wake of men busting into the birth room.

Historically, and anthropologically, we know that birth has been a traditionally female domain.  And the fact that most father’s in the UK now attend the birth should, rightly, be situated within it’s own historical and cultural context.

Whilst we have come to see this model as the norm here in the UK (93% of men are involved to some extent), it is in fact a relatively new, and culturally specific phenomenon.    

Dr Laura King, is a social historian at the University of Leeds, who completed her PhD in fatherhood in early modern Britain. She situates the rise of fathers accompanying their wives, from the 1950’s onwards, within the context of the movement of birth from the home to the hospital.                    

 « Away from the familiar surroundings of the home, women looked to a birthing partner for more moral support and men started to play an increasing role. »

The emergence of the 'modern man'

The ‘rise’ of the modern man presents us with a new, and curious creature, who frequently sees his ‘mate’ quite literally as his best pal, and decides to embark upon all that she does, and experiences, in a kind of symbiotic, mutual journey.

I have witnessed many a specimen of this new modern man: in touch with his emotions, embodying and embracing everything from hypnobirthing visualisations, “think of the lotus flower baby; open like a lotus flower,” to furrowing through the Bach flower remedies manual to find the best potion for his Missus’ present ailment.

But whilst many men are all too willing to get down and dirty with birth, there are still those who prefer to stay well away, maintaining that birth is a female domain. Some feel simply too squeemish about the whole gory process, whilst others are concerned about the impact that getting up-close and personal during birth will have on their future romantic relationship.

On both sides of the channel we have seen prominent male figures declare their distain for the male presence at birth.  The ever-outspoken Gordon Ramsey, cooked up a fuss when he publically, and unapologetically, announced that he did not attend the births of any of his four children.  Expressing particular concern over the repercussions this would have on his sex life he commented: 

“Seeing a woman in distress, screaming at the top of her voice, pushing, pushing, pushing, and sweat, sweat, sweat? I'd rather be stark bollock naked in a steam room with 50 vegans."

Across the channel, the prominent French Sailor Olivier de Kersauson was equally unapologetic when he declared: « birth is women’s business ; it is not men’s business.»  Being a french man, he chose to elaborate this belief by using the analogy of a roman temple, in which males and females are like columns: a certain amount of distance and separation must be maintained, for the continued stability and equilibrium of the whole....  

La maternité est une affaire de femme. Pas une affaire d'homme.  Dans les Ecritures, on présente l'enfant au père une semaine après l'accouchement. Les colonnes du temple, quand elles sont trop rapprochées, ne soutiennent rien. Un homme et une femme doivent être suffisamment séparés pour pouvoir soutenir quelque chose, une construction. [...] 

Whereas the above may well represent extreme examples, the British pregnancy advisory service estimates that one in 20 fathers still avoids being present when their partner gives birth.

Often chastised for being unsupportive, or selfish, should men who feel truly uncomfortable with the process, or that it is not their domain, be given a bit of slack?

Is birth still a female space?

There is also the bigger question of how useful Men actually are at what we traditionally consider female roles.  A Telegraph article last week highlighted the increasing number of women who are now choosing to have their Mother in Laws (‘MIL’s’) present at their birth.  This idea of an experienced female figure, who has had their own children, being well equipped to provide emotional support, is also the premise behind the rise of the Doulas.

Experienced doulas have often undergone several training courses and attended hundreds of births, and many have also had children of their own.  Such experience means that they can anticipate the needs of the labouring woman and provide reassurance and guidance. Can we really expect men, who have no previous experience, to do a crash course in birth support and meet these needs equally well?

And are we putting too much pressure on men to fulfil this role, which does not always come naturally to them?  Un-practised, and un-experienced, subject to their own anxieties about their own transition into parenthood, men now experience the additional social pressures of becoming birth and breastfeeding wizards in the space of 9 months.

Of course there will be some men who are very excited to embark upon this journey, and extremely dexterous at it.  But for those who aren’t so keen, should we be more lenient, and willing, to let them duck out? 

On several occasions I have heard of women being disappointed with the support they received from their partners during birth, wishing instead that they had chosen to have a more experienced and calming female figure supporting them during this emotionally and physically taxing time.  I cannot speculate on the impact this has on their relationships, but one would assume that that these feelings of dissatisfaction and inadequacy, feelings of letting-down or being let down by your loved one, during this important time,  pose potential negative consequences. 

Rad-dads, such as Dean Beaumont, author of the Expectant Dad’s handbook, equally adds that for those fathers that are keen to participate, health professionals need to do more to welcome and involve fathers, in order to enable Dads to feel more comfortable and willing, about their role in the birth room.

As with everything to do with childbirth, the matter ultimately boils down to personal choice. However, given that what we now assume as ‘the norm,’ is in fact only 60 years young, perhaps we should be more open and reflective upon the potential disadvantages, as well as advantages, of having fathers in the birthing room.  It cannot be assumed that the father attending the birth, is, necessarily, the best outcome for all couples.                                                                           Given that this is such a recent phenomenon in human history, we cannot yet say, with any conviction, what effect the presence of the father at birth will have on a whole range of social phenomena, including romantic and intimate relationships.