The heart of the Birth Revolution

 

« I believe that each of us can make a tremendous difference. Politicians and visionaries will not return us to the sacredness of life. THAT, will be done by ordinary people, who gather, neighbours and friends together and say :

remember to breath,

remember to feel,

remember to care,

remember life.

Let us do this together - for ourselves, and our children, and our children’s children….»          Gunilla Norris

As I was listening to a guided meditation early last week I came across this powerful quote from Gunilla Norris.  And it got me all fired up for the Paris Positive Birth Movement gathering that was to come later that week.   

This idea that real change comes from ordinary people, coming together, from a point of shared experience is something I have always believed in, and it is the premise of Grassroots movements such as the PBM.

But this quote was about more than that, it was a gentle nudge, a subtle whisper, reminding us that the real power from these gatherings comes from when we connect on a deepy human level, when we connect from the heart.

And THAT, I believe, is a revolutionary act.

What’s revolutionary about that?

“We underestimate the strength, positive energy and healing power we cultivate when women gather all together. Because there used to be more women's gathering for all kind of purposes back in time. Unfortunately it's not the "trend" anymore. We need each other's presence, words, energy.  I am so grateful to have found this group in Paris, and hope it will become an example to empower women.”    Marissa, mum and hypnobirthing teacher.

There is a tremendous energy in women gathering together, sharing experiences, supporting one another, listening, hearing, respecting silence, respecting the presence and needs of others... It is the power of sitting, breathing, and feeling together in one room that makes individual concerns feel bigger, and important.

And this conscious gathering, this collective caring IS a political act.  It’s about staying THIS matters, I matter, WE matter, and mostly: Our CHOICES matter.

Sometimes, that’s all it takes. This tiny little micro-revolution that can happen inside of any of us, is all that needs to happen to alter the course of someone’s life, even just a little bit.

Off the back of these gathering a woman might change her care provider, she may feel more empowered or informed to a make a different choice about a certain aspect of her birth plan, or she may simply gain confidence and conviction from listening to the positive birth experiences of other women.  They may seem tiny, but these everyday minature revolutions can change one woman’s experience. And that matters.

"J'ai vécu mon premier Positive Birth Meeting comme un moment de ressource. J'ai beaucoup apprécié l'accueil et la bienveillance des femmes présentes et la qualité de nos échanges. Nous avons abordé des sujets précis concernant le déroulement de l'accouchement tout en gardant un esprit très positif de soutien, d'optimisme et d'ouverture. Je suis repartie plus sereine et confiante, avec avec des réponses pratiques et l'envie d'explorer l'hypnonaissance. Merci encore à Jodi et Sharon de leur générosité". Eléonore M. (2nd time mum, currently 27 weeks pregnant)

And what of our hearts ?

"Thank you for creating a safe and positive space to talk about pregnancy and birth, to share information, stories and give support" Ruxandra, mum & Hypnobirthing teacher

This tone of collective caring, support & empathy IS the revolution. I believe that chosing to connect with ourselves, and each other from the heart is one of the most powerful choices we can make.

It is a pivotal first step in saying « I matter, my choices matter » and consequently being able to extend that loving presence to « YOU matter, your choices matter,» which will fundamentally lift us all.  Because then EVERYONE matters, and EVERYTHING matters.

Whenever I see any real momentum in the birth world, whenever women are really supporting one another in a way that leads to palpably positive change, it is these tender qualities of the heart that are always at it’s core. Birth icons such as Sheena Byron, Tracey Cooper and Francoise Freedman are shining examples of this from me, their work is so clearly charged from the heart that it infuses everything they do and eveyone they touch.

Writ large, the revolution starts with you.  It starts with the simple, but revoltionary act of self care & self compassion.  When we cultivate that heartspace in ourselves -  that tenderness, that receptivity - then it invariably and authentically extends to others.

Can we have a birth revolution without it ? Counterbalancing the fear bias

The danger -then - is when the negative, critical, fear bias of our brains take charge and our hearts get left behind. 

Too often I have seen birth gatherings, meetings or forums turn into critical, judgemental, in-fighting, which serves nothing and serves noone.

Even in this supportive, space of the Paris PBM last week there was a moment where the tone of the meeting turned to fear & anxiety. Luckily, it was Emilie, a beautifully receptive and conscious french Chirpractor that spoke up and brought everyone’s awareness to how this switch had completely changed the atmosphere « look how peoples behaviour, language & interactions has changed when we start feeling through fear….this is exactly what happens in hospitals. This fear is contageous »

Fear creates barriers, it creates resistance & contraction, infusing the exact opposite conditions to the open receptivity of the heart.  The good news is, they are both equally contageous…so better to focus our attention on cultiavting the heartspace -  non ???

Emilie was spot on : it is exactly what is happening in the institutionalised birth world. We forget to breath, we forget to feel, and we forget to connect.  Midwives so frequently have no time or space to come back to their hearts, in the pressure cooker of the current sytem.   

Crucially, Midwives too must start from a place of self care and self compassion before they can authentically extend this loving presence to others.  And the current climate in which most Midwives work – gloablally – are not at all fertile for cultivating the heart.  There is no space to breath, no space to feel – deeply - and less and less energy left to care.

This theme of caring for yourself is thus a wake up call and a warning call for many of us birth workers and proffessionals.  Sometimes we get so charged and animated about the bigger political picture of changing things in birth that we forget this basic fundamentally micro revoltionary act :  We forget to feel, forget to breath, forget to connect.  We lose sight of this quality of loving presence - for ourselves and others - that has the huge capacity to impact on all and everything.

The revolution starts with you ; Cultivating the heart space

This week Paris was blessed with a visit from the positive Mumming sensation Hollie de Cruz.  She was kind enough to leave me with some of her *yesmum* positive affirmation cards for mums, which I gave out during my postnatal yoga classes. These daily affirmation cards are a brilliant and simple way to remind yourself to infuse self-compassion, positivity and kindness into your busy everyday life. Thank you Hollie! I have mine out on my coffee table : )

The essence of navigating change: before, during & after birth

It is because of this conviction in the power of empathy and shared understanding that I have been focussing on cultivating heart awareness in my own practice recently, and I have been planning my prental yoga and postnatal yoga classes around this theme.

If you ask me (which you didn’t, but you’re reading my blog so I’m going to tell you anyway) this choice to reconnect with the heart is one of the most powerful choices we can make.

The qualities of self compassion and acceptance are what I believe truly support women to adapt to the everpresent emotional and physical transformations during pregnancy, birth and motherhood.

In my experience, it is meeting these changes with openness, receptivity and self compassion that allows women to make space for these potentially painful experiences.

Thus the focus of my prenatal yoga and postnatal yoga classes of late has been around the physical postures and meditations that open the chest and the heart space, reminding us to feel, and cultivate this tender receptivity of the heart.   Being kind to ouselves and kind to others.

There are tonnes of meditations which you can do to cultivate this quality of self compassion and extending this gentleness to others, such as the loving kindness meditation here 

The heart practice that I have been using a lot recently is this guided meditation from Tara Brach, which uses visualisation to sense our own goodness, and the tender qualities of our own hearts.

So often we judge and criticise ourselves to a point where this negativity bias becomes so deeply ingrained that it IS us. And it cannot help but extend to the way we treat others.

I’m super conscious of this at the moment since I have recently been going through the fatigue and general physical and emotional yakiness of early pregnancy. It took me a good few weeks of feeling completely grot and being quite critical and harsh on myself before I finally « woke up » and reconnected with this heart practice.  Thanks GOD for my meditation practice because it really helped me to a greater acceptance and compassion for the fact that my life was changing, my body was changing and  brought me back to a place of « making room for all of this».  Without it I believe I would have stayed in a place of resistance and negativity for much longer, wanting to go back to the old me that I know and where I felt comfortable, instead of approaching this new phase with openess and receptivity.

The heart of the revolution

The heart is at the core of eveything we do, and if it is not, then nothing will really change, not really.

It is this subtle but revolutionly act of each of us « remembering to feel… remember to care… » first for ourselves, and then for others, that I believe will bring about real & tranformational change in women’s experience and in the birth world at large.

I hope then that sharing this quote might share this little nudge, that little whisper, that reminds all of us to come home…come back to the heart and remember to care for ourselves and care for each other.

Fear will keep pull us all down, but the heart will lift us….

---

More positive feedback from the PBM meetings:

"I feel so lucky to have found the Positive Birth Movement whilst I was pregnant. The discussions were enlightening and reassuring, helping me feel excited, not anxious, about birth. And as a bonus, I found out about wonderful prenatal yoga and birth preparation classes. 

Since giving birth, I love attending the meetings too, to share what I've learned with other women and to keep learning and talking about one of the most amazing things in the world!!" Hollie, mum of Joyce

 

"A first timer to Chez Sharon, it was inspiring to see a gathering of gorgeous girls, in varying stages surrounding the creation of life. The environment was relaxed & welcoming and the chat between us flowed naturally & was throughly engaging. I would have loved to make the meetings before, but I am happy to be able to add to them post-baby and I look forward to the next one..." Ash, mum of Lir 

"Great to be a part of positive birth movement. It was first time that I attended the meeting and it assured me that giving birth is the most natural thing and even it could be positive fearless journey."  Lenka, 38 weeks pregnant with her first Baby

"It was wonderful to finally be able to attend this meeting! Great synergy and sharing around the theme of choice in giving birth."  Tatiana, baby nurse, baby massage & prenatal yoga

SO what of the ‘failed hypnobirth?’

SO what of the ‘failed hypnobirth ?’

A while back when I first launched Doula Paris (sorry – I mean the GLOBAL PREGNANCY PHENOMENON that is now known as Doula Paris) a new mum posted a comment saying she’d had a ‘failed hypnobirth.'

I remember thinking at the time : ‘What IS a ‘failed hypnobirth?’ ‘Am I missing something?’ But mostly, what a shame that this woman thinks she has had a failed- anything- birth  (equally worrying is the language of a ‘failed homebirth’, ‘failed vaginal birth’, ‘failed VBAC’…and don’t even get me started on the term « failure to progress» in labour….).

From where I was standing hypnobirthing to me was simply a ‘tool,’ and a set of exercises that could help parents-to-be to prepare mentally for their babies birth. It didn’t really seem like you could fail at it.

I recalled that during my hypno teacher training, the hypnobirthing DON herself – big up Katherine Graves -, said something like « hypnobirthing makes a difference to all births, but it will benefit different couples in different ways. »

This approach made sense, as it resonated with the Brownie Guide Law of Midwifery school : « every woman is different, every pregnancy is different - and unique. »

The idea that there could be any concrete end in itself to any ilk of birth preparation (hypnobirthing or otherwise) seemed sort of unfathomable and unrealistic.  Only when you start introducing this idea of a fixed goal to ‘achieve’ do you introduce the possibility of failure.  And when we fail we suffer.

Thus, if ‘natural birth’ is the goal then anything that deviates from the natural birth benchmark could be perceived as failure.  And we all know that it just doesn't work like that with birth.  Labour and birth – by it’s very nature -  is much more fluid, ultimately unknowable, uncontronable, and unplannable… 

It seemed to me that if it was taught well, and with an open mind, every woman and couple would integrate the hypnobirthing techniques in their own way, and in a manner that had meaning for them.  In this sense, hypnobirthing has the potential to morph into a positive and empowering tool for all couples.

Fast forward a year of two and the more experience I have of teaching hypnobirthing, the more this rings true, and most importantly it is confirmed to me in the feedback I receive from parents.

Over in the Doula Paris towers (aka my living room), there’s been TONNES of positive feedback pinging into the Doula Paris inbox from parents who ‘didn’t get the natural birth they might have hoped for….but still found the hypnobirthing techniques mega useful for feeling confident and well prepared, and staying calm during labour and birth.’  And here’s the Bonus ball: many parenting newbies are also reporting back that they are using their hypnobirthing Ammo to navigate the challenges of new parenthood (and surely that is the ultimate wrestle right there?).

At the time of the failed hypnobirthing woman comment, however, I perhaps didn’t have the benefit of all this experience, SO I’m really grateful to this Mamma for her timely comment : her language and reaction to her birth experience really helped me to question and reflect on the way in which I presented & taught hypnobirthing to parents myself.

As always, I continue to learn the most from the women themselves.

Ultimately I decided I wanted to teach and present hypnobirthing in a way that NO WOMAN felt like they had failed.

Of course we all want a natural & pain free birth! Duh!!! And hypnobirthing definitely CAN increase the possibility of that happening – I have shed loads of emails from women who I’ve worked with who have experienced exactly THAT.  HOWEVER, I feel it’s equally important that we keep it real, and broaden our perspectives to include the mutiplicity of unique and personal journeys that each women travel, so that eveyone feels like a winner.

The failed Hypnobirth -  does it exist??

Looking back – in my quiet little reflections - the issue seems to me that Hypnobirthing has become too closely allied with the persuit of a ‘natural’ birth.  Hypnobirthing teachers - or anyone- promising a pain free, normal birth Ipso facto introduce the concept of failure.

And I fear that if we’re not careful, Hypnobirthing could merely become another way in which we pull the wool over women’s eyes about the reality of birth.

My ultimate goal, in the work I do, is not to try to produce some kind of normal birth Shangri-la, but to reduce the suffering that has become synonomous with birth – and being a woman ; this Garden of Eden-style suffering (albeit a more modern form!) that appears to still exist due to the nature of simply being born with ovaries.

Whilst we used to speak of women suffering merely from the raw physical ‘pain’ of birth, it now seems that we have created a whole new wave of mental suffering that comes with this failure to achieve a given type of ‘natural’ birth.

As always we need to be ever-conscious and reflective about the way we speak to women about birth. If in doing so, we risk to trick or conceil to them the fundamentally uncontrolable and unknowable nature of birth itself, then we continue to do woman a disservice.

Not least, because there is a glory and a mystery in the reality of this other-worldy aspect of birth.

We so often speak of the way in which ‘the overmedicalised system’ itself tricks women during birth but I would invite you all to interogate the way in which we could each may be adding to this illusion.

If we start waving around promises of ‘natural,’ pain-free births and presenting them as the birth Utopia, we risk to paint some kind of mono-image or norm of what a positive birth experience looks like. And the truth is that a positive birth has many different manifestations and faces.  Positive birth is more than just a birth outcome, it is a process, a continuum, a mindset, and a unique mix of each individual woman feeling supported, ‘heard’ and confident in a way that is meaningful to her, and her wider circumstances.

My suggestion is thus that we go back to day one lesson one of midwifery and hypno school and remember these all important basics « hypnobirthing makes a difference to all births, but in will benefit different couples in different ways. » and « every woman is different, every pregnancy is different  - and unique. »

That’s personally what I always open with.  And I am as yet to receive an emailing from anyone I have taugh hypnobirthing to saying they had a « failed hypnobirth. » 

Keep it real people : )

La méditation du sourire, pour bien se préparer à l’accouchement!

La méditation du sourire, pour bien se préparer à l’accouchement  

Dans mes cours de yoga prénatal ces dernières semaines on a pratiqué la méditation du sourire, qui vise à cultiver la gratitude. C’est l’un de mes exercices de respiration préférés pour bien se préparer à l’accouchement, tout en étant très utile dans le postnatal!

On n’a même pas besoin d’être enceinte pour tirer bénéfice de cette pratique… tout le monde peut en profiter!

Cette méditation consiste à visualiser une image du sourire qui d’abord commence au ciel et qui traverse tout votre corps.

C’est une méditation de gratitude qui permet de cultiver les sensations de remerciement, bien-être, chaleur et compassion.

Pourquoi faire cette méditation pendant la grossesse? A quoi sert-elle ?

On peut utiliser ce type de visualisation qui accompagne les respirations ‘pleine conscience’ pour bien se préparer à l’accouchement, pendant le travail même, et aussi après l’accouchement dans la période postnatale, pour se remonter le moral.

Rappelez vous aussi que le simple fait de sourire (oui ! même pendant le travail et l’accouchement !) permet de stimuler les hormones d’endorphines et d’ocytocine - et tant mieux si vous pouvez même rire, ce qui produit encore plus d’ocytocine ! 

L’ocytocine est l’hormone qui facilite les contractions de l’utérus pendant le travail, et qui rend le travail plus efficace et rapide, si elle se secrète en abondance.  Les endorphines sont les hormones naturelles ‘antidouleur’ ou de confort que votre corps produit naturellement pendant le travail s’il est dans un état de relâchement et de calme…

La visualisation d’images paisibles et agréables (en complément de l’ancrage aux sensations de respiration) permet de rester concentrée et calme pendant le travail et d’attacher votre attention au moment présent, dans ce qui est en train d’arriver dans votre corps. Cela vous aide à rester calme, présente, consciente et à éviter les peurs. Cela facilite un travail et accouchement plus serein, efficace et confortable, en étant véritablement connectée dans le flux du travail.

La pratique

Vous pouvez écouter un mp3 (gratuit !) d’une méditation du sourire que j’ai enregistrée pendant un des mes cours de yoga prénatal ici

On commence d’abord par bien s’installer confortablement pour la méditation, se connecter avec le rythme et les sensations de respiration.  Puis, on imagine doucement, l’image d’un ciel bleu et vaste.

Ensuite on imagine la forme d’un sourire qui apparaît progressivement dans le ciel, et qui se diffuse dans le ciel tout en entier.

Puis on imagine la forme d’un sourire qui apparaît sur vos paupières, et on reste connecté à cette image pendant quelques respirations. Ensuite, l’image du sourire descend à votre bouche, puis votre gorge, vos épaules, votre cœur, votre poitrine, votre abdomen et dernièrement sur votre bassin…

Lorsqu’on arrive à l’abdomen (pour celles qui sont enceintes), on peut rajouter l’image du sourire qui enveloppe votre bébé dans votre utérus, et qui berce votre bébé.  On peut aussi imaginer un sourire qui apparaît quelque part sur le corps de votre bébé…sur sa bouche ou autre part sur son corps.

La deuxième partie de la méditation de la gratitude consiste à mettre vos mains (une main sur votre cœur et une main sur votre utérus/votre bébé) et de ressentir quelque chose pour laquelle vous avez de la gratitude :

Il peut s’agir de la gratitude pour cette grossesse même, la gratitude pour votre corps qui a nourri et gardé votre bébé à l’abri, la gratitude pour quelqu’un qui vous a soutenu ou inspiré pendant cette grossesse. Ou même de la gratitude pour quelque chose ou quelqu’un dans votre vie en général.

Au cours de cette méditation on reste conscient des sensations de respiration, et on prête attention aux sensations qui sont produites dans votre corps grâce à cette visualisation du sourire qui traverse progressivement l’ensemble de votre corps. Ressentez les sensations, vos réactions, et vos émotions face à ces images.  Revenez souvent à votre respiration et à la sensation de respiration ! 

Enjoy!!!

Postnatal Yoga Class - starting Wed 7th December

Postnatal Yoga classes, Paris 11ème

Taster class : 10€

Individual class : 18€

5 class pass: €75 (15€ per class)

This postnatal yoga class will be focussed on mindful meditation & gentle yoga that follow on from what you have done in prenatal classes & hypnobirthing.  You are also very welcome to come along if you have never done any yoga before! No experience is necessary!

Mindful breathing techniques are especially useful for calming emotions and anxieties postnatally and gently healing your body postnatally.

They specifically help to restore balance in the nervous system & re-energise those of you who are sleep deprived!

There will also be gentle yoga movements specifically designed for the needs of your postnatal body such as gently toning the abdominal muscles and strengthening the back.

The emphasis will be gentle everything at the beginning.

Most new mums undoubtedly have periods where they feel in need of relaxing, re-energising & recuperation more than anything, so there will be a "come as you are" philosophy so that you still feel you can come along to class and recharge even when you are your most bedraggled & sleep deprived : ) 

And the good news is that all of this can be done with your babe by your side - so the little ones are welcome to come along for some Om sweet Om too!!

please email me if you would like to sign up for my postnatal yoga classes! parisdoula@gmail.com

Love

Jodi

More Happy Hypnobirthing News in Paris - and why Dad's heart Hypnobirthing

This week I received a lovely email from one of the mums who did my Hypnobirthing Group Courses in Paris recently, and gave birth to her first baby a few weeks ago.

As always, it made my little heart leap to hear that the Hypnobirthing course had been so useful to yet another couple during the labour and birth of their baby... But I was especially happy in this instance to hear about the benefits of the Hypnobirthing preparation for the Baby Daddy too!

I’ve received lots of lovely feedback from Dad’s in Paris recently who have really enjoyed and benefitted from the Hypnobirthing course  Even the one’s who at first seem reluctant that we’re all going to sit round in a group holding hands and making Dolphin noises, very quickly transform into super enthusiastic Hypnobirthing converts when they see how clear and useful the information is.  And whilst most Dad's 'Do it for Their Partners' they quickly realise that by doing the practice together as a couple, they themselves too start to feel much more relaxed and at ease about the whole birth process.

I dedicate a lot of time in my Hypnobirthing group courses to explaining the science behind the progress of labour and signs for Dads/Birth partners to look out.  Admittedly this often involves me getting down onto All 4's and acting out a labouring women -  in all of her hip-rocking and low-groaning glory -in order to demonstrate the more, errrrm, visual signs & auditory signs of labour progress.

I find that this information is really crucial to demonstrating to Dad's/birth partners how they can be such a vital support their partners during labour, helping them to stay calm, focussed and relaxed.

And I have to say that the feedback from Dad’s recently has been really great!

I find that what dad’s/birth partners really want is clear and tangible information and techniques that they can use to be both useful and helpful to their partner during pregnancy & birth – and the KG Hypnobirthing course gives them exactly this.

SO it was really great to hear how this couple used the techniques and information learned during the course to get the best out of their birth experience.

I was ESPECIALLY pleased when I received this message as this particular couple had their baby at a very ‘classic’ maternity clinic in Paris which is not at all renowned for a ‘natural’ or physiological approach to birth.  We had discussed this during their hypnobirthing course and how in fact, one of the positive things about these classic maternity clinics (where they are used to an approximately 80% epidural rate) can be that couples are pretty much left to get on with the labour on their own, with the Midwife coming in once every hour or so to ‘check’ what’s happening.  For a Hypnobirthing couple who are very well prepared and know exactly how to manage the labour alone this can actually be a very positive thing, as they are left to get on with out without too much interference. And this turned out to be exactly the case for this couple…who were left to do their thing and did it brilliantly!  

Well Done You Guys!!!!!!

I hope this story will be of benefit to other couples in Paris who are wondering how it all works out with the Hypnobirthing in one of the more classic/private maternity hospitals.

As I always say, hypnobirthing helps you – as a couple – take control and responsibility for you own birth experience. And preparation is everything…

The Art of Loving Kindness - for pregnancy, labour and new motherhood

The Art of Loving kindness for pregnancy, labour and new motherhood

« In modern life we have become so busy with our daily affairs and thoughts, that we have forgotten this essential art of taking time to converse with our hearts….If we are still, and listen deeply, for even a moment, we will know if we are following a path with heart… »    

Jack Kornfield, A Path with Heart

In my prenatal yoga classes this week I introduced the technique of loving kindness or « amour bienveillante» as it is known in french.

This afternoon I was just about to send out an email to all of my mum-to-be yoga ‘students’ to remind them of this beautiful practice when I thought, « why not share it with other pregnant mammas and new mums who might also benefit ? » so I decided to thrash out a quick blog post about it instead.

As some of you already know I could HARP on about the benefits of yoga and mindfulness practice ALL DAY long, and list the many books that you absolutely HAVE to read and podcasts that will UNDOUBTEDLY change your life, but I’m going to try and make this relatively brief and focussed on the practice itself. BECAUSE, as we all know, it’s actually DOING the practice that creates the truly radical changes in our lives.

The practice of loving kindness is one of the key elements of modern mindfulness programmes, but it is equally found in many of the other ancient traditions. 

I first learnt the technique myself when I did a Reiki initiation programme whilst studying my undergraduate degree at Durham University, back in 2009.

The practice is a simple yet powerful way of cultivating positive regard for both yourself and others around you, as well as the world at large.  It both taps into our innate capacity to be kind and compassionate towards one another, whilst equally recognising this ubiquitous human desire for happiness and wellbeing.

The answer is always Love.  And the question starts with YOU

« If you can’t accept yourself – if you hate yourself and get angry with yourself – how can you love another person and communicate love to him or her ? …Self understanding is crucial for understanding others, self love is crucial for loving others. »                                              

Thich Nhat Hanh, The Art of Communicating

There is consensus amongst almost all of the many ancient wisdom traditions that we must first seek to love ourselves more fully before we can authentically and honestly give love to others.

The overarching message is : the work starts with you. 

Cultivating compassion for yourself must come first if you are to seek to respond more compassionately to those around you.

Many of us have developed a strong reflex tendancy towards being ‘hard on ourselves,’ judging ourselves and our own achievements harshly.

Such tendencies can result in a cycle of suffering, as we perpetuate feelings that we somehow fall short of our own potential and/or that of others.

Developing a practice of compassionate understanding and kindness towards ourselves and our experience can thus be a radical and crucial first step towards loving acceptance of things ‘as they are.’ And oursleves ‘as we are.’ And this is where our mindfulness practice truly starts to take flight…

WHY is this practice especially benefitical during Pregnancy/New Motherhood?

« You are giving birth to your mindfulness teacher » Nancy Bardacke

The first part of this practice directs loving kindness first towards your baby, and then towards yourself.

It is therefore especially useful during pregnancy and early motherhood as you begin to cultivate a relationship of compassionate understanding towards both your baby and yourself, right from the get-go, and perhaps even before he or she is born if you start this practice during pregnancy.

In a nutshell, you’re setting off on the right foot ! or «c’est un bon premier pas » as the french would say.

Whilst most mums do fall madly in love with their babe from the minute they clap eyes on them, you will undoubtedly meet with many emotional obstacles in both pregnancy and the early days of motherhood as your pre-pregnancy life and identity shifts and you meet with the many challenges of stepping into this new version of yourself as «mamma.»

Developing this practice of loving kindness and compassionate self-acceptance is thus an important aspect of meeting these challenges with an open heart and an open mind.

Most importantly, it helps us to steer away from these old habits of negative self-judgement that can potentially tell us « we’re not doing it right » or comparing ourselves harshly to others who somehow appear to be « coping with it all better. »

The practice

The benefits of loving kindness are endless, and the good news is : it’s VERY simply to practice.

We simply repeat these 4 phrases below first towards your baby, and then towards ourselves.

It’s helpful if you can begin by establishing yourself in a meditation position, connecting with the rythm and flow of your breath to first settle and focus yourself into a state of ‘awareness.’

(If you are new to meditation I would recommend listening to free guided meditation MP3  that you can get online such as those from Peter Renner***, or using one of the many mindfulness meditation apps you can get on your mobile phone, to get started…)

You may find that an image of your baby or yourself arises during your loving kindness practice and that you can direct your words towards this image. Alternatively, a felt sense or awareness of your babies presence may become apparent to you.

This is all fine, and as with all mindfulness practice, the important thing is that you simply observe what is occuring, your reaction to it, and any feelings or emotions that arise….Whatever they are, good or bad, they are all welcome.

REPEAT the following 4 phrases to your baby, then to yourself

May you be safe and protected

May you be healthy in body and mind

May you be happy

May you live with ease and in peace

(IN FRENCH)

Que tu sois à l’abris et en securité, preservé de tout mal interieur ou exterieure

Que tu sois heureux et satisfait

Que tu sois aussi sain et complet que possible

Que tu connaisse le confort et la douceur du bien-être

Adaptations

There are hundreds of variations of this practice, therefore feel free to adapt the phrases to suit your own sentiments and what feels natural to you.

Encountering resistance

As a result of the tendancies of self-criticisim and suffering described at the beggining of this blog, it can be very normal to feel some resistance to these words when you begin to direct the phrases of loving kindness towards yourself. Again, simply notice these reactions and try to meet them with the same spirit of care and acceptance.  Remember, everything is welcome, in mindfulness practice we are not trying to be anything ‘other’ than that whihc we are, or change anything, we simply observe and accept things as they are, seeing if we can gradually meet them with compassion and understanding. The mindful birthing queen herself, Nancy Bardacke suggests that it you continue to encounter resistance towards your own positive self-regard it may be helpful to imagine yourself as a baby or child, who once was loved and cared for by your own mothers, and begin to direct these phrases towards your own inner child who too is worthy of this same love and acceptance.

Extending the practice

When you feel ready, you can move the practice away from your baby and yourself and experiment with directing the phrases of loving kindness towards friends, family and/or teachers/mentors that may have inspired you.  You can also try out sending these sentiments towards more neutral figures or even strangers that you might pass on the street, on the tube/metro etc.

It’s best not to start with people whom you have more difficult or complex relationships with in the beggining of your practice, first get used to cultivating loving kindness to those who you easily feel a warm positive regard towards, and then move onto more difficult relationships.

You can equally extend the practice to other non-human ‘beings,’ plants and animals if you wish…

What generally results from extending this practice is a compassion towards and sense of connectedness with, all other being. An appreciation that each one of us is struggling in some way on our own journey, that we are in fact all in need of the same essential loving kindness and acceptance.

Simply listen, then see what come next…

Doula Paris Recommends…

***Peter Renner has lots of great (and FREE !) meditations online including a loving kindness meditation (it’s not adapted for pregnancy but you can tweak it) on his website here :

Tara Brach’s online guided meditations and talks have a WHOLE LOTTA HEART and often include themes of loving awareness and self-compassion.  Check them out here :

Nancy Bardacke’s book « Mindful Birthing » included exercises of loving kindness and other mindfullness exercises for birth. My yoga teacher Ayala Gill recommended it to me a couple of years ago and it’s become one of my staple recommendations to EVERYONE in the birth world.

Jack Cornfield’s book, « A path with heart. » touches on many themes of putting our hearts into our mindfulness practice, and why it all begins there…

Anything written by Thich Nhat Hahn. Anything…

No prenatal yoga classes week commencing 17th & 24th October

I'm going where the Sun is Shining!!!!!

Tonight's class is my last prenatal Yoga class before holidays! : )

Class as usual tonight: 18:45 - 20:00, Paris 11ème (metro saint Ambroise)

I will be spending a week in Turkey with my Mum and then going back to the UK for a Birthlight Aqua Yoga for Pregnancy training!

Classes recommence on Monday 31st October

Please email me to reserve your place for classes in November/December: parisdoula@gmail.com

More info on class times & prices here

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Ce soir sera mon dernier cours de yoga prénatal avant mes vacances !

Je pars en Turkie chez ma mere et puis je rentre en Angleterre pour une formation Birthlight 'Yoga prenatal Aqua!'

Je reprends mes cours de yoga prénatal à Paris lundi 31 octobre

Pour réserver vos places pour novembre/decembre, merci de m’envoyer un mail : parisdoula@gmail.com

Plus d'infos sur les prix et horaires de mes cours de Yoga prenatal à Paris ici

Nouveau cours de Yoga prénatal/ New prenatal Yoga class

*Scroll down to read this message in English*

Suite à une forte demande, j’ai ajouté un créneaux supplémantaire pour mes cours de Yoga prénatal à Paris: 

Lundi après-midi, 17:00 à 18:15.
Cité Popincourt, Paris 11ème.

Ne tardez pas trop à vous inscrire; les places se remplissent vite! Inscription par mail: parisdoula@gmail.com

Belle semaine à tous!
Jodi

**Regardez mes blogs ici pour plus d’info sur le yoga prénatal**
www.doulaparis.com/yoga-prenatal/

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Due to popular demand I've added an additional prenatal yoga class to my timetable:

Monday afternoons: 17:00 to 18:15
Cité Popincourt, Paris 11ème.

Sign up quick as places fill up quickly!
email to register: parisdoula@gmail.com
Jodi

Gentle is the New Strong: What antenatal preparation has to learn from the Slow Yoga Revolution

Fighting with our 'selves'

How about if we all slowed down, took one step backwards, and BREATHED - Like really breathed?

How about if instead of always going to max capacity - always pushing ourselves to 100% - we tried out going to simply 60 or 80%, and see what that feel’s like?

And what if, instead of constantly reaching for something better, striving to be something or somewhere else, we stopped - still - and explored what’s already here, NOW?

Perhaps, maybe, in this slowness, this stillness – this space inbetween ‘being here’ and ‘getting there,’ we might actually learnt to love ourselves, and appreciate life,  a little bit more -  TODAY?

This is the philosophy that informs J.Brown’s Yoga School in Williamsburg, Brooklyn and I had the pleasure of practicing with J and some of his teachers at the Abhyasa Yoga Centre whilst I was visiting New York last week. His flexible, authentic, approach really rang true with me and the space I found in his classes helped to illuminate and consolidate some of my recent ponderings on the direction that the birth preparation world is going in.

For those of you who don’t know already, I’m currently working on a new and fruity antenatal programme with one of my best mates and (about to be) PhD-level Midwife, Julia Clark aka @birthupnorth. We’re trying to pin-down what’s a bit lacklustre in the birth prep world and create something more punchy, modern and authentic, that really speaks to the millenial Mamma.

What’s Yoga got to do with it ? Learning from The Slow Yoga movement.

J.Brown’s approach is part of what some are calling ‘the slow yoga revolution.’ Rather than any constant striving or pushing for external goals outside of our current experience, J’s practice method is about focussing on what’s here, in our present experience, using Yoga to appreciate and enjoy life today.

His teachings can be broadly summed up by his «gentle is the new advanced» philosophy, which seeks to shift the focus of Yoga to a breath-centred practice, helping us to truly slow down and take care of ourselves. 

Sounds good right ? And it is – that’s the thing.  It really DOES make you feel truly excellent.

So it got my juices flowing on how we might bring some of these principles to birth preparation, in an attempt to make it a bit more ‘gentle’ and realistic too.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘GENTLE?’

« The idea of having to ‘get there’ IS the problem…that creates this idea of lack.  Trying to ‘find something’ implies that you don’t already have that something that you’re looking for’ *[1]»

By gentle I mean kind, tender, loving, compassionate, humane… lenient, understanding.  I don’t mean meek or docile or delicate, in the flowery, whimpy sense.

A gentle approach shifts away from this cycle of harming ourselves and each other. It allows you to feel how you actually feel – in all it’s complexity – and not how you should feel or should be instead (if only you were better and a bit more like Deliciously Ella or some other chick on instagram that looks like she constantly seeps Joy out of her tits).

In acknowledging what is actually here, we send love, acceptance and compassion to all of that. Experiencing our thoughts, feelings, and sensations as they are ; accepting them into our current experience rather than perpetually running from or avoiding them.

Writ large, this constant pattern of pushing and tugging with reality simply perpetuates a cycle of not good enough or ‘not there yet’ where we persistently feel that our present experience is insufficient or incomplete, that we are somehow not yet good enough or lacking.

So what about a more gentle and realistic approach to pregnancy and birth ? An approach that’s based on the acceptance of reality as it is, and focused on – as J puts it - « simply feeling better and enjoying life today ? »

Flow of ideas & inspiration following J's class!  The slow yoga movement shebang is not new to me, but J's class flicked a switch and got my thinking about how we could apply this all to birth.

Hold your horses, or WHOA MAMMA : the slow or ‘gentle’ approach

I think the question we are really asking ourselves here is what does loving & accepting ourselves –as we are - really look like?  And more specifically - how would this manifest in pregnancy ?

All of these bigger, better, faster, stronger impulses are essentially rooted in self-dissatisfaction, or a dissatisfaction with the way things actually are, right now.

It comes from this mentality that we somehow have to push past something, to get ‘there.’ And this usually involves some form of concerted, strenuous effort, or even harm and self-sacrifice. It’s what J refers to as « the other side of the line. » This image of ‘there’ being some idealised version of reality nirvana whereby if we can only get to the other side of that line we might FINALLY feel better and start loving ourselves more fully.

Except we all know that this never happens, and that once we get to the other side of that line we simply start drafting out new lines, to achieve and conquer instead…

SO here’s the lightbulb : I think pregnancy and birth runs the risk of being just another part of this destabilising, erratic line-drawing process. We draw out a line for a ‘natural’ birth or a certain, particular, idealised image of how pregnancy ‘should be’ and of course we invariably fall short of it. And then we suffer .

Unless, we STOP, still, now and switch to an entirely different frequency.  And I think that’s where the gentle approach has something to offer...                                                                                                        

Experiencing Pregnancy TODAY : integrating reality

 « What would it be like, if I could experience each moment of pregnancy, each stage of this new experience….with astonishment… or wonder…or awe ? »[2]

My concern with the antenatal world, im momento, is that we’ve all become a little bit overly-obsessed and blinkered by the birth.  It’s hypno-birth, active-birth, mindful-birth, positive-birth…birth birth birth birth birth. 

But there’s also a whole 9 month precursor to that all important birth (which we call pregnancy in case anyone’s forgotten). And I’m not denying the significance of birth, but what I do see – increasingly - is this tendancy for women to spend much of their pregnancy entirely consumed by the anticipation – and often anxiety – of realising this fixed, future reality of their perfect birth. 

In reality - there’s a whole lot more in-between.  Within this 9 months - each and every minute -  lie hundred and thousands of tiny, unique micro-miracle happening , day by day,  and I think it’s a real shame for us to miss even some of that.

Because, that focus on the birth experience is in the future, often the way distance future. Again it is this tendancy for grappling to be ‘on the other side of the line.’ Feeding into the idea that where you are now is not quite where you want to be.

Writ large the ‘I need to be over there’ philosophy prevents you from enjoying and appreciating your life and pregnancy TODAY. It prevents you from seeing what’s good and enriching about YOUR life TODAY. Equally, it prevents us from making the time&space to nourish and accept what’s difficult or challenging for us, right now. 

A gentle paradigm for life makes for a gentle paradigm for birth

Here’s the juicy bit : By building this gentle, responsive, and realistic approach to pregnancy, I think we also build the foundations for a more dynamic, flexible and realistic approach to birth too. The two are entirely complementary, and the same mindset then gradually seeps into the postnatal period; facing the realities of new motherhood gently and realistically as well.

The self that meets it's self – the constantly oscillating range of emotions and sensations day to day during pregnancy - with kindness, love and understanding, is the self that also encounters the wide range of sensations and emotions during labour and meets them too with tenderness and understanding, acceptance and curiosity too (Equally, it is the self that could eventually feel the urge for an epidural during labour and meet that with understanding and acceptance as well).

Further, it is the self that can meet the undpredictable and unknowable behaviours of a newborn baby with greater understanding, compassion, and patience...

Seen from this angle, pregnancy is, in fact,  a continuum, whereby the gentle and flexible mindset you cultivate during pregancy – and life itself – eventually manifests itself in the same way during birth and beyond.

In short – the more intimately you learn to meet your daily experience gently, and with love, now, the greater your capacity to meet your birth, your baby, and your experience of new motherhood with love and undertanding too. 

Isn’t this just like Hypnobirthing or Mindfulness?

« there was no seperation between their meditation practice and their labour experience. They were in a dynamic relationship to the birthing process as it unfolded, moment by moment.  Like the dancer who is one with the dance, their birthing became their meditation practice. »                    Nancy Bardacke, Mindful Birthing

Well yeah, it kind of is.  But it’s also more than that.  It’s more dynamic, integrative, and complex than that : because – well – women are more changable & complex than that. And pregnant women are definitely so much more complex than that !

Some people say that hypnobirthing is actually a ‘mindful’ approach, but having taught hypnobirthing and experienced its effects I honestly don’t believe it is.  I think it’s a first step towards mindfulness but I don’t think it goes all of the way.  In a sense, I think we need to mix the two – and then throw in some other flavours and spices for good measure.

For me, hypnobirthing just cherry picked a few of the most essential aspects of yoga and meditation practice and bottled them up and branded them as a kind of crash diet for positive birth.  But you can trace the roots of both of these schools  into a much deeper and more profound practice of ancient philosophy and « ways of knowing .»  

The danger I see with some of these hypnobirthing ‘post-it’ style affirmations is that they can sell you an image of how you should feel, and they can ignore what’s actually happening now.   If you’re not flexible – or gentle - about the way you use them, they risk to perpetuate this cycle of the illusionary future, this pattern of always needing to somehow be or feel something outside of what or where you are now.  In contrast, mindfulness focusses on what’s actually here, in this moment.  

Mindfuless is simply a ‘waking up’ to the essence of life as it is, now.  An appreciation and a care for the present moment, cultivated through paying attention, without judgement.                  

Nadia Rafat sums up the difference between a mindfulness approach and other birth preparation schools beautifully in her article here.

No Pain no Gain : How is gentle, STONG ?

At the Abhyasa Yoga Centre, Brooklyn, NYC after one of J.Brown's classes.

The disatisfied mind will inevitably asks itself, of the gentle approach: is this enough? If I’m not pushing myself, punishing myself, stuggling, striving for something that’s outside of my current experience: Am I lazy ? Am I ‘getting anywhere? Is this enough ? 

And my answer to all of you, pregnant or not is this :

Where you are – TODAY – is OK

Who you are- TODAY – is OK

How things are – TODAY – is OK

What you are -ALREADY – is enough

«Everything is perfect and exactly as it should be » in the word’s of my Kriya Yoga Teacher Shibendu Lahiri:                    

Here’s the switch that flicked when I reflected on the gentle approach : I think our definition of ‘STRONG’ has been utterly contorted, and we all got a little bit confused.

What about if our strength actually comes in the form of tenderness, compassion and a kind of poetic beauty that slowly, and gently uncovers each day of pregnancy – whatever it might throw at us – with understanding and acceptance, until one day we finally unwrap birth in exactly the same way.

You see, birth is like christmas, and pregnancy is like the whole month of December.  If you focus your attention too much on christmas day, you’ll miss the magic of the lights, and the tinsel and the mystical wonder of the stories we tell to children about Santa….and you might actually forget the presents, or the present altogether.

Going back to our 'selves': You are already strong

TRUE LOVE, compassion and kindness seeps into everything , starting with yourself.

Here’s what I think : I think women are made to give birth. Or more specifically I think women’s bodies are made to give birth.  We’ve just all become so wildly confused about that because we’ve been SO long submerged in this virtual reality of bigger, better, faster, stronger.

So I suggest that our strength, is actually rooted in this gentleness.  Because women ARE stong.  But we are a different kind of strong to the ‘virtual reality’ we’ve been sold. We are stong because we are tender, compassionate, and kind. 

It’s by paying attention to that, cultivating that, wiring our brains to use that as our default ‘action and reaction’ that we get stronger. Not by somehow mentally or physically ‘pumping iron’ as it were.  It’s by cultivating this gentle approach – to ourselves – that we tap into our utmost strength.

It’s not about becoming anything.  It’s about cutting through these layers of virtual reality that we’ve been sold; that we need to be tougher, better, something other than oursleves, as we are.

Because in reality, you are already strong, you are F**cking Strong. 

My darling, open your eyes to the dazzling reality of that which you already ARE; you are entirely, and unshakably POTENT.

[1] [2] Drawing from J.Brown’s podcast with Mathew Remski, ‘The heart of Yoga.’  www.jbrownyoga.com/yoga-talks-podcast/

Positive Birth Paris & Summer Updates

Last night we had the Positive Birth Movement Paris Summer Picnic at Jardin Place des Vosges in Le Marais!  I need to check with Milli (at the Positive Birth HQ) but I think this could actually qualify as THE most chic location for a Positive Birth Movement meeting ever ; )

It was a glorious summer evening and we were blessed to have 2 brand new mums, Hollie & Ash, with us, who have both had very positive birth experiences in Paris recently!  Both had very speedy and straightforward waterbirths in Paris in June, and it was so wonderful to hear their empowering birth stories!

My hope is that the PBM group will continue to be a forum where mums, and mums-to-be in Paris can come together to share their positive birth experiences! It's also a great opportunity to share information and ideas, spreading & promoting even more positivity and confidence about birth in Paris!

When I first moved to Paris I heard a lot of negativity around birth here but I really want to spread the message that birth here can be really positive and empowering - if couples prepare well and chose the right caregivers!

Another PBM meeting regular, Anna, who did a Hypnobirthing course with me and prenatal Yoga with Sharon Bales, also had a wonderful physiological birth this month too! Hopefully Anna will be at the next PBM meeting in September to share her very positive birth story as well!

Both Hollie & Ash did Hypnobirthing courses and prenatal Yoga classes with me, during their pregnancies, and they were both SO well prepared, in mind, body and spirit for their physiological births!  Well done Hollie & Ash  - you're an inspiration!!!  

Summer Updates:

Positive Birth Movement : 

There will be no Positive Birth Movement meeting in August!  The next one will be Thursday 22nd September and the theme/topic for this meeting will be "The last days of pregnancy" (celebrating this time, coping with it, issues around induction, etc)

Prenatal Yoga Classes:

My last prenatal Yoga class before summer vacation will be this Tuesday evening (30th August) at Cité Popincourt, Paris 11ème.  

Classes will resume 'à la rentrée' on Tuesday 6th September.  More info on prenatal yoga here: www.doulaparis.com/prenatal-yoga-classes/

Hypnobirthing Group Classes

My next Hypnobirthing Group Course will be on Sunday 18th & Sunday 25th September.  There is still space left for one more couple on this course (I only take a maximum of 4 couples per group)

There will be no hypnobirthing group in October, dates for November Hypnobirthing Group tbc soon.

More info on Hypnobirthing group courses here: www.doulaparis.com/group-courses/

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Wishing you all a wonderful Summer and looking forward to seeing you all in September 'à la rentrée!'!

Love Jodi  (parisdoula@gmail.com)

For more updates on events & classes in Paris as well as TONNES of other useful info on pregnancy and birth, please like my Facebook Page: www.facebook.com/DoulaParis/

Saying YES to Birth: Saying YES to Life

What if we weren’t afraid any more? Then what would birth look like?

What if women really weren’t afraid –I mean really not afraid- then what would birth look like ?

What if Midwives, too,  weren’t afraid any more– then what would birth look like ?

What if our doctors, sisters, friends – even our hypnobirthing teachers & Doulas -  weren’t afraid either - then what would birth look like ?

What if we were no longer afraid of Ourselves ? Afraid of our Bodies, Our emotions, our behaviours, our fears even….

What if we were no longer ashamed – then what would birth look like?

These are all quesions myself & my good friend - and fellow Midwife –Julia Clark (@birthupnorth) are asking ourselves, right now: What would a totally new vision of birth look like? 

What if we were really honest with ourselves – then what would birth look like ?

Birth has been so entrenched in FEAR for so long, that I honestly think we’re not quite sure.       SO we have to dip deep.

We have to start asking ourselves some pretty uncomfortable questions : facing our Egos and examining our own deceptions.  

In other words we have MAN UP (or WO-MAN UP?)

What if we were all truly liberated – then what would birth look like ?

Women are still gagged – from truly expressing themselves physically, emotionally and spitirually – they are gagged & ashamed of following & expressing their instincts & desires. 

And the big questions is :if you don’t listen to you instincts –then what the hell do you listen to ? And if you can’t follow your own personal truth, your heart’s desires….that what DO you follow ?

What about if « I trust my body » was more than just an affirmation you wrote on a post-it note and stuck on your fridge ? – then what would birth look like ?

Here’s the thing : I think we do have the answers.  I think we really do, but I think it lies below layers and layers of bullshit that we have been feeding ourselves and each other for decades…

 There’s so much superficial bullshit going around the birth circuit that it’s totally blinding women to the real work they need to do -  on themselves.

The birth world has become a crazy fuzz of posting, and re-posting catch-phrases….And  YOU CAN’T REVOLUTIONISE BIRTH by posting and re-posting a F**CKING Quote by Ina May. 

It’s a good start, It’s really good start…But surely you have to reach down – inside of yourself- and find the place where that quote came from in Ina May herself– that deep & soulful place - and find where it lives in YOU.

Because otherwise we will all keep living in this superficial land of « let’s make birth better » and nothing really changes, not really…

Nothing will change for our daughters or our grand-daughter, or our great-great grandaughters because we will just keep passing on the same lies & fear on to them too.

UNLESS WE MAKE A STAND  - NOW.

What if we totally owned it ? Then what would birth look like ?

I was recently having a beer with Julia in Leeds and mulling over my predicament about setting up as a independent Midwife in Paris :

ME: “I’m just cautious, reticent, not scared- but…”

Julia: “Sounds to me like you are scared… it’s ok to be scared…”

ME: “I’m not scared, it’s just I don’t know all the medical systems & protocols here, and it will take time…maybe it’s better if I start by working in a hospital first...”

JULIA: “Sounds to me like you’re scared…everyone gets scared – even when we simply change to a new hospital ‘trust’ within the UK, we get scared. ”

ME: “You’re right, I’m scared, it’s normal to be scared.”

You see: I was scared of admitting I was scared.

When I owned up to what I had to overcome – I felt much less powerless…And this is where I started to feel like we were on to something: Some of the answers must truly lie, in absolutely owning it.

So WHERE DO WE START ?  A BASIC PRINCIPLE I learnt from Godfrey Devreaux

Godrey is well know in the yoga world for calling BULLSHIT on pretty much everything. 

He rips the entire notion of ‘enlightenment’ and ‘spirituality’ to pieces…. And he also says the F word, a lot…. 

Godrey shines a very bright light on the years on years of deceptions and marketing ploys that have infested the yoga world, and made what is essentiallly a loving and enlightening practice  – into something completely vacuous and even malignant.

I think we need to do the same with the birth world.  I think that we started with something really really beautiful and heartfelt and authentic with the likes of Ina May, Sheila Kitzinger, and Francoise Freedman…but somehow it all got lost in a pseudo-spiritual quagmire….

Firstly – there are No ‘Guru’s : there is only you. There is only you, yourself, and your own free will.

This is the revolutionary act: you are your own Guru. And if you’re not, then nobody is, and then you’re just an idiot reading somebody else’s empty words from a post-it note.

Saying yes to life : saying yes to birth

I went to a talk with Godfrey Devreaux at the Red Earth Centre in Paris last week, and in this particular ‘lecture’ (he definitely wouldn’t call it a lecture!) Godfrey was discussing the notion that life has 2 basic instincts : ON / OFF, YES/NO, ENGAGE/RETREAT…

Whatever you name them, they are both manifestations of the 2 very simple human behaviours, that are at the basis of all life : our ability to either actively engage with life or to escape and retreat from it.

How can we apply this notion to Birth ?

It’s in this idea of « engaging or retreating » that I think we could really shake up birth, and I’m beggining to experiment with it in my Prenatal Yoga & Hypnobirthing work….

Summed up simply, it can be expressed as « SAYING YES TO LIFE »  

SAYING YES TO LIFE IS ESSENTIALLY SAYING YES TO EVERYTHING, EVEN TO FEAR.

It’s about saying yes to all of it : and not being scared to LIVE and FEEL and EXPERIENCE -  all of it.  Or as my mindfullness teacher « Ayala Gill » puts it : Welcoming life : Welcoming eveything.

Saying yes to all of our emotions : good, bad, gentle, tough…and accepting them all as a a necessary & inevitable part of life’s rich tapestry….

Because if we don’t say YES – if don’t welcome them ALL -  then we are in a constant state of ‘NO’ or RETREAT – a perpetual state of rejection, deception, escape and avoidance…fear.

This brings us full loop back to my initial questions :

What if we weren’t afraid, ashamed, gagged, to feel – experience – and act? What if we weren’t afraid to really Love- ourselves, each other – and life???  Then What Would Birth Look Like ?

I think it would look like LOTS of women running round the street shouting YES YES YES to everything -  like some kind of crazed state of perpetual orgasm ! 

Godfrey leaves me – US - with this interesting question, that I feel could sew the seeds of something revolutionary in birth, and it’s this:

WHEN WE SAY YES TO LIFE – really say yes to life - DO WE NOT ALSO SAY YES TO BIRTH ? 

Le Yoga Prénatal : Une ouverture à la vie

Le Yoga prénatal est un moment privilégié de rencontre entre votre corps, votre esprit et celui de votre futur bébé.

Pour moi, Le but principal du Yoga Prénatal est une ouverture du corps, ainsi que des émotions et des sensations.

L’OVERTURE

Pendant l’accouchement votre corps va s’ouvrir profondément pour donner vie à votre enfant.  Votre col va s’ouvrir évidement, mais aussi votre basin, et tous les muscles du périnée.

C’est un acte ENORME et extraordinaire, et il faut une certaine préparation physique, mais également une préparation mentale et émotionnelle pour accueillir cette ouverture.

Dans les cours de yoga prénatal on pratique des mouvements d’ouverture du basin et de souplesse du périnée, mais aussi la souplesse et l’ouverture du corps plus généralement…

L’ACCEUIL

Pendant la grossesse votre corps est perpétuellement en train de changer, de s’élargir, de se grandir, dans plusieurs manières différents…ceci peut provoquer des émotions et sensations et sentiments des fois difficiles ou exigeants….

Les cours de Yoga prénatal se concentrent sur l’ouverture aux sensations et émotions qui peuvent se produire dans le corps pendant la grossesse : on appends comment les accueillir – dans une manière positive et avec gentillesse et compassion.

Surtout avec les exercices de respiration profond et la respiration yogique complète, on fait de la place dans le corps, et dans notre expérience, pour accueillir toutes ces nouvelles sensations, émotions et changements….

On utilise aussi des visualisations et affirmations/mantras pour se concentrer et diriger notre attention vers le positif et dans un esprit d’accueil ou d’ouverture à toutes ces nouvelles expériences.

LA CONFIANCE

En suivant les mouvements du Yoga prénatal - lentement et doucement, et en pleine conscience - on apprends à se mettre en contact avec le corps, ses changements et son évolution pendant la grossesse.

Cette perspective d’écouter et de respecter le corps- et le grand travaille qu’il est en train de faire pour faire grandir et nourrir votre bébé  - est une perspective épanouissante et nourrissante aussi pour les mamans – qui ont de plus en plus confiance en leurs corps, et en leurs instincts.

Elles s’approchent de plus en plus profondément à la sagesse intérieure de leur corps et de leur instinct.  Ce rapport de confiance, et cette perspective plutôt respectueuse du corps joue un rôle très important pendant la grossesse aussi bien que pendant l’accouchement.

LE CALME

Les exercices de relaxation profonde- ce que certains appellent le ‘yoga nidra’ -  se fait à la fin de tous les cours de yoga prénatal.

C’est peut-être l’aspect la plus important du cours, où le corps peut se relâcher complètement. Ce relâchement donne l'occasion au corps et à l’esprit de se renouveler,  pour que le système nerveux se calme complètement…

La connaissance « incorporée » de la relaxation et du calme est indispensable pour une grossesse et accouchement plus serein, doux et sain. Plus serein et libre…

Personnellement, j’introduis les techniques ‘d’hypnoniassance’ pendant la pratique de la relaxation profonde, pour aller plus loin dans cette perspective de confiance et d'assurance par rapport à la grossesse et à l’accouchement. 

Dans la relaxation profonde on pars dans un état de ‘transe’ et c’est là où on a accès au subconscient : on peut profiter de cet état pour y "planter" les associations de confiance et d'assurance par rapport à la grossesse et l’accouchement.

LA JOIE

J’emploie principalement les méthodes du ‘Birthlight’ dans mes cours de Yoga prénatal.

Cette école de Yoga prénatal est différentes des autres ‘écoles’ qui ont un regard plutôt mécanique du corps et de l’accouchement.

Birthlight se base dans une approche plutôt ‘joyeuse’ et ‘épanouissante"  de la grossesse.

Les mouvements du ‘Birthlight’ ont leurs racines dans la circulation d’énergie et de l’expression du corps ‘en spirale, ‘et en ‘boucles’ plutôt que des postures statiques.

On joue également avec les sons pour faciliter cette ouverture de l’esprit et surtout l’ouverture du cœur, nécessaire pour accueillir les énormes sensations et émotions à venir avec l’arrivée du bébé.

Surtout on se prépare pour bénéficier au maximum de ce moment merveilleux, sacré, précieux, dans la vie et le corps d’une femme, et découvrir la transformation qui se présente aux femmes pendant les neufs mois des grossesse… quand on se permet réellement de s’ouvrir à la vie. 

These precious first moments : positive birth & the first hour

Last night we had our second Positive Birth Movement Paris meeting! 

The theme for the May group meeting was : « The first hour after birth » 

One woman shared with us her beautiful memory of her first baby’s breast crawl immmediately following birth : how amazed she was that – when left undisturbed - her baby knew exactly what to do and latched on straight away.  The whole group shared in the awe of how miraculous it is to see a Baby’s first instincts at play.

Another member of the group described how important it had been for her to avoid any routine separation from her baby in the first hours following the birth « I just wanted my baby to be with me : I needed to see where she was all the time.» This is something she had anticipated  before the birth of her baby and so she ensured that she would be supported with this at her maternity hospital « Les Bluets» where any routine examinations were delayed until after she had bonded with her baby.

These heart-felt accounts re-enforced just how precious the first hour following birth is to women & their babies, and therefore how important it is for health care professionals to disturb women and their babies as little as possible during the first hour – and indeed hours –after birth.

In my own training as a Midwife I was taught - and indeed tested!  - on the importance of delaying any routine examinations and separation until after mum and baby have had the chance to have skin-to-skin and to bond.

However, so often in the busy hubbub of hospital life there is an imperative to quickly weigh and measure the baby, and get the new mum down to the postnatal ward within a couple of hours of birth, to free up the labour room for someone else.

Sometimes it feels there is no space, there is no time for these precious moment to be fully given the importance and respect they are due.

It’s something that I think we can all reflect upon, both as mother’s and as health care professionals.  Whilst there are clearly times in hospitals when labour wards are very busy and there is a genuine need to move women down to the postnatal ward-  freeing up a labour ward bed for another women who is waiting for it – there are not always these time imperatives.

It’s thus important to question routine ‘systems’ that have been blindly respected because « that’s the way we do it » and find creative solution to respect & protect the sacred first moments in a baby's and a new mother’s life.

In short – putting women and babies at the centre of care and not the needs or assumed needs of the hospital ‘system,’ and thinking of new ways of re-structure our ‘routines.’

More generally, it’s about listening to what women are telling us is important for them and important for their babies, and adapting our care as much as possible to accommodate this: Building systems of care around women and babies – and not woman & babies around systems.

Undoubtedly this would all be simpler to facilitate with more hospital resources and more midwives – but that’s another story for another day.

Back to the positive birth meeting… In our conversations around the « power hour » we also explored delayed cord clamping, what are the benefits and how does it work in practice - including thinking about how this could be best negotiated for twin births.

Most of the group were amazed to realise that it is simply a question of delaying clamping & cutting the cord for just a few minutes – and it has such massive benefits to baby!  But again this comes back to potentially unexamined hospital routines, and therefore it’s important to speak to care providers in advance, to discuss your preference around this.

For more info on delayed cord clamping take a look at Amanda Burleigh’s page « Optimal cord clamping » www.facebook.com/Optimal-Cord-Clamping-WaitforWhite-414578291919270/?fref=ts

There are numerous other FB forums on this important topic such as this one: www.facebook.com/delayedcordclamping 

Beyond the 'power hour' discussions our conversations last night moved onto all kinds of other birth-related subjects and sharing lots of great local events that are taking place for the "Semaine mondiale de l'accouchement respecté" in Paris next week.

The great thing about the positive birth meetings are that the flow of discussion is open and spontaneous, so conversation is free to go in any direction it takes us...I feel like this lack of rigid structure allows what is important to the group – at that moment - to come out, and what the group really needs at that time to emerge…

For me, personally, I had just arrived back in Paris the night before the meeting, after a lovely long week spent at home back in the North of England.  Transitioning back into city life after a whole week or glorious nourishing countryside air, and being at ‘home’ with family and friend, is always a bit of a physical and emotional leap.  So for me, last night, I simply enjoyed being in an open and supportive women’s space – enjoying the laughter and the passion - of women working together towards something important for women.

Licence to (KG) Hypnobirth!

Look what arrived through the post this morning! : )

Contrary to what you some of you might think, the assessment for KG Hypnobirthing teacher training is actually extremely thorough and comprehensive.  

It is rooted in solid scientific knowledge and an in-depth understanding of the physiology of birth.  To read more about the science behind hypnobirthing you can read my Blogpost here

Since I now have personal experience of going through this particular KG Hypnobirthing training programme and assessment, I can verify it's high quality, and the  criteria that teachers must go through in order to qualify as a KG Hypnonbirthing teachers.  

Even as a qualified Midwife there were plenty of topics I had to refresh on and research in order to complete my assessment!

Next stop : Perinatal Yoga teacher training in December!

As part of my ongoing journey to support women in pregnancy&birth I will also be undertaking the full Perinatal pregnancy Yoga training with the wonderful Birthlight, so I look forward to sharing lots of interesting stuff re: Pregnancy and Yoga with you all soon! (I LOVE Learning : ))

Thanks to all of the lovely staff down at KG hypnobirthing for their positivity and support!

Here are the lovely comments/feedback I got from my assessment: 

What’s the Science behind Hypnobirthing?

3 Simple Scientific Facts

During a long weekend away in Toulouse recently, I encountered a little…erm… scepticism about Hypnobirthing from some of the men-folk! (The phrase ‘Hypno-bullsh*t’ may have been thrown around once or twice!)

For starters, the name ‘Hypno’ gets some people going at the offset, as it conjures up all kinds of images of tie-die and whale sounds and airy-fairy la-la-land stuff like that.

However, when you explain that much of Hypnobirthing is actually rooted in solid science, the subject appears to become more palatable…. (particularly, but not exclusively, to those who have Y chromosomes!)

So for the cynics, or potential cynics, amongst you…here are some of the rational facts that might convince you little Einsteins that it’s not all Ommmm sounds and ‘energy’ talk down at Hypnobirthing school….

1. Biology/Physiology

   Firstly, Hypnobirthing starts from a biological understanding of the anatomy and physiological processes involved in birth.  

   We look at the anatomy of the Uterus, and how the various uterine muscles work together, to facilitate the mechanics of birth.

   We then teach various breathing exercises and relaxation techniques that facilitate theses muscles to work efficiently and comfortably. (BREATHING and RELAXATION?! I can hear alarm bells ringing! but wait.…there’s more science to come!)  

2. Neuroscience

   The focus on relaxation is based around a well-researched understanding of the Autonomic nervous system.

   The Autonomic nervous system is composed of 2 parts:

   i) The Sympathetic nervous system

   ii) The Parasympathetic nervous system.

   When the body encounters a stressful situation, this information is perceived by a part of the brain called the ‘Amygdala,’ which then sends a stress signal to the Hypothalamus.

   The Hypothalamus is the ‘control centre’ of the brain; it disseminates this stress signal to the rest of the body through the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS).  The particular branch of the ANS that is activated during the fear or stress response, is the Sympathetic Nervous System, which prompts the Adrenal glands to release the hormone Adrenaline into the bloodstream.  You’ll probably all be familiar with this process as it is commonly referred to - as the “fight or flight response.”

   The release of adrenaline also leads to a series of physiological changes that you will have all experienced at some point: our hearts beat faster, muscles tense, breathing quickens, and our senses sharpen.

   There is also a second mechanism that kicks in (after the initial release of adrenaline diminishes - if the brain still perceives something as dangerous), known as the HPA, which leads to the release of cortisol, another powerful horomone.  You can read about this all in much greater detail here.

   Indeed, this is a pretty hefty topic, but the essence of our understanding here is that the hormones released during the stress response, specifically adrenaline, are not conducive to the physiological processes needed for a smooth and comfortable birth (I will talk more about this in section 3)

   Cumulative low-level stress over a long period of time can actually lead to long term physiological and psychological harm, such as anxiety and depression - but that's another story for another day.

   SO how do we counter the stress response? RELAX!! If we can train the brain to relax around certain events during pregnancy and childbirth, we can reduce the fear/stress response and activate instead the second part of the ANS which is called the PARAsympathetic nervous system or the calm response.

   Therefore the Hypnobirthing scripts which you practise as part of a hypnobirthing programme, are not, in fact, pseudo-spiritual brain-washing that's going to make you or your other half want to grow dreadlocks and join a commune. They are simply a series of relaxation exercises which train your brain to think about your birth positively and calmly, and thus keep the stress response at bay. Et Voila!

   Medics such as Dr Herbert Benson (and yes he’s a real Doctor, like actually a professor of medicine) at the Harvard Health school have already made headway into a deeper understanding of how we can elicit the ‘relaxation response,’ as an antidote to the stress response.  Such approaches include breathing techniques, focussing on certain calming words or language, and visualisation of tranquil scenes. Funnily enough - all of which feature in Hypnobirthing practise! 

   You can read more about this work here.

   “The relaxation response is a physical state of deep rest that changes the physical and emotional responses to stress... and the opposite of the fight or flight response"

3.  And more Endocrinology

   What is key about the relaxed response, or when the PARAsympathetic nervous system is in operation, is that a number of other hormones and natural opiates, which are incredibly useful for birth, are also freely released:

   These amazing and wonderful little molecules are:

   Oxytocin - the lurv horomone.  It’s what makes us all loved up when we get sexy, but it’s also the absolute MOTHER of the birth hormones.  Oxytocin is what makes our uterus’s contract (or ‘surge’ as some hypnobirthers like to call it), as discussed in section 1 above.  It is also the hormone which promotes breastfeeding and bonding once the baby is born.

   Endorphins - literally endogenous morphine - the body’s own, magnificent natural pain killer, said to be several times stronger than the synthetic morphine you might be prescribed by your doctor. This is what makes natural birth more comfortable; when the body is operating in the calm response it is able to freely emit this magic opiod stuff.

   In brief, the hormones produced during the relaxed response are absolutely FUNDAMENTAL to a calm, natural and comfortable birth as they make the mechanisms of birth more functional and more efficient.

   SO we know which part of the ANS we’d prefer to be operating in during birth now don’t we? Exactly….  

   Conversely, Oxytocin and Endorphins are not freely emitted when the Sympathetic Nervous system is in operation, which takes us nicely full circle back to point 2 above,  why the stress response is not helpful during birth.  Oxytocin is often referred to as the ‘shy hormone’ as it comes out to play only when we are in a safe, quiet, place.  (Think about the environment you’re most likely to be in to make love, and then apply the same principles to birth).  You can read the main man Michel Odent for more info on this one!

   So there we have it, just some of the science behind why hypnobirthing works. If you are preparing yourselves for a calm, comfortable and smooth labour then the science seems to say that this would be a good start!

   There is obviously much more to Hypnobirthing than simply this, and what I’ve given here is only a brief outline of the physiology of birth and the neuroscience and hormones involved...but I hope that for now I’ve gone at least part of the way in convincing some of you that it’s not all hippy-dippy Hypno-Bullsh*t!

Birth centres arrive in Paris! Les maisons de naissance arrivent enfin en France!

 The first of August was a very exciting day for French Women - and babies!

A law permitting birth centres to open across France was officially enacted last week.

‘Les maisons de naissance’ which are expected to appear over the coming months, mark a revolutionary change for birth in France, which has traditionally been seen as an extremely medicalised and interventionist culture.

The large majority of women in France currently give birth with an epidural, in an Obstetric Unit, and options for those who want a more natural or physiological experience has been very limited, up until now. 

Not only does the opening of maisons de naissance herald increased choice for women, who wish to give birth outside of an Obstetric Unit, but it equally signals a change in the way the French think about labour and childbirth.  

The philosophy of a birth centre stems around supporting and enabling physiological birth. A calmer, more gentle experience, which respects and harnesses the natural rhythms and wisdom of the body.

En savoir plus:

Links in the French press:

http://www.la-croix.com/Actualite/France/Les-maisons-de-naissance-voient-le-jour-en-France-2015-08-02-134065

http://lci.tf1.fr/france/societe/des-maisons-de-naissance-verront-bientot-le-jour-en-france-8641412.html